I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
