Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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