Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
