your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
