Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
