I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
