we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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