Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
