So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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