Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave