i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.