if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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