so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.