I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
