Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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(716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward... http://tfl.nu/0sye

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(240): View more from Maryland

you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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(240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p

Replies (30) Good night (5295) Bad night (1302)
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(386): View more from Florida

According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

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(386): According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death. http://tfl.nu/q8lg

Replies (25) Good night (841) Bad night (6464)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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(586): Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app http://tfl.nu/uu0s

Replies (78) Good night (6187) Bad night (2356)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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(306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq

Replies (85) Good night (3691) Bad night (40401)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

(1-812): View more from Indiana

You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

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(812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo

Replies (15) Good night (7519) Bad night (1093)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

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(423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8

Replies (32) Good night (1740) Bad night (4874)
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(514): View more from Quebec

I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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(514): I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case. http://tfl.nu/sce4

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..

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(902): i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this.. http://tfl.nu/inhx

Replies (14) Good night (1569) Bad night (3980)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.

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(423): I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him. http://tfl.nu/x8vu

Replies (9) Good night (2459) Bad night (665)
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(518): View more from New York

whiskey

(914): View more from New York

stop

(518): View more from New York

tequila

(914): View more from New York

you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up

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(518): whiskey (914): stop (518): tequila (914): you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up http://tfl.nu/4nb1

Replies (3) Good night (1863) Bad night (588)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.

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(215): I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics. http://tfl.nu/u5tf

Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (623)
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(214): View more from Texas

Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"

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(214): Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types" http://tfl.nu/3nt2

Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (984)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.

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(913): Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway. http://tfl.nu/1wlj

Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (684)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?

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(630): Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids? http://tfl.nu/4q99

Replies (4) Good night (695) Bad night (372)

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