just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
