WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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