remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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