I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
