also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
