glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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