I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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