i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize