Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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