you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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