Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
