I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
