i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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