Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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