I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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