he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
