Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
