So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
