why didn't you poke me back
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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