I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
