No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
