at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
