I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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