so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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