fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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