At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
