thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
