Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
