I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
