There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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