everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
