I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
