i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
