Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
