She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
