Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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