I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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