my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
