so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
