we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
