I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
