Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
