He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Couch. On fire.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
