its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
