Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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