Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
