We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
