Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
