She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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