My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
