I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
