Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
