I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
