Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I puked a lego.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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