if i died would you start the facebook group?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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